It's been a long ten weeks...

...and I feel my life needs a serious overhaul. Ah there's nothing like ten wasted weeks to remind you that university isn't going to last forever and time is slowing ticking away. Unless you count the London Lemmy website, which reminds me there's gonna be a time when I won't be partying my Saturdays away in that notorious love-to-hate nightspot, just revisiting my memories through a once-yearly, impersonal party night in London. I just suddenly realised, whilst perusing the reminisces of my predecessors, that in only another two years, I won't be here, and all the chances that lie before me will be gone, and I will be in the real world, and a grown up. That really scares me.

So for those of you who are curious as to what has spouted this pessimistic rant, here's how I have wasted yet another ten weeks of university life:

• Workwise: I seemed to have lost all enthusiasm for my course, after it turned out to be not what I expected. Well let's be honest, I didn't hate it, I just got behind and never bothered to catch up, or to be punctual. It's got to be my worst ever attendance during my whole time in education. And I feel really cheated, because I didn't ever try, I just put it all off for another day. And I've done it again tonight. I also made little effort with my classmates, despite it being the whole motivation for chosing separate modules to my housemates. It's only now, when we will all be changing again, that I'm bothering, in the slightest sense.
• Socially: Yet again, a sheer lack of effort. How many times have I visited my old floormates for tea and a chat? Yet expected them to come see me?! How little effort I have made with existing friends. My problem is that I always expect people to come to me, I expect everything to fall into my lap, and that goes for work as well. Only two weeks before the end of term did I set up any weekly get-together with other housemates. And I've isolated myself. Today everyone's off out seeing various people and I'm on my own because I never bother. I've taken zero pictures of anything we've done, because basically I'm not interested. I've spent hours wandering round clubs bored, rather than join in the dancing, and I don't even know why I didn't want to join in with the dancing!

Gee I suck! I haven't bothered doing anything, I haven't bothered waking up early on weekends to see visitors, or go into town or, shock horror, do work. Gee no wonder nobody bothers with me when I can't even be bothered with myself or anybody else.

And it's another ten weeks gone, just like the first year, when I sat in my room bemoaning my lot on here (oooh it's a little bit of history repeatin'), when everyone made their foundations for friendship, and gasp, spoke to people in other houses.

Sorry, apologies to readers, I'm just so bloody angry with myself. Why am I so lazy and procrastinate? Why do I NEVER bother, EVER? Why is it I leave everywhere saying, "Oh but when I go to sixth form/university/work, etc I will be different, I will talk to everyone."? Why am I wasting the last years I have of freedom and true friendship and fun? Why am I the one jotting a few slapdash notes when everyone is so enthusiastic about their courses?

Things really. really have to change. Everyone else around me, I can really see the effort they are making with each other, why can't I just fucking do it?!

Argh!!!!