Things ain't looking good...
How is ***? They all ask. Good question, I haven't heard or seen him since the obligatory appearance to half-heartedly tuck me into bed and then call me narrow minded about my opinions on Hiroshima on Thursday (the entry "awfully sweet" merely me trying to view it in teh best way I can). Which would be three days ago now. Gosh, there's a better sense of communication in Anna Karenina and that was in bloody 19th century Russia (not exactly the most efficient nation), and in an age when most blokes were patriarchal bastards who'd think nothing of leaving a severely depressed lover to eye up the Society totty at the latest ball, while "her indoors" nods off with the help of a few lullabies from Mr Morphia.
You know when you feel you've made all the effort and with little effort coming back? The only example of any effort on his part is one Cola and one dinner date. The other ladies' lovers seem to be like little nurses when they are ill, popping here and there making sure all is well. If it hadn't been for the sweetness of my floormates I would have been here alone. All I ask is for a little text or a visit. Like I have paid on countless occassions.
When I go down to his room I am guaranteed one of the following responses:
1) "Hey" uttered through a stretch and a yawn as response to my cheery "Hi there baby, how are you today.". Tired, I guess.
2) I will then hover about while he does something useless on his PC. Looking at shitty pen drawings from cyber-geeks is why you got no revision done mate, not "entering into a relationship". During aforementioned "hovering" no communication will pass. Sometimes I will try to say something to lighten the atmosphere but it's usually ignored.
3) I will then go and sit on his lap, just to be a little flirty, as is chracteristic of a girlfriend. That usually elicits a brief feel-up and a kiss, then back to the cyber-geeks. Oh and if we converse, I'm usually put down in some way or the other, due to my inferior intelligence as a result of my "culture".
4) Pals come in, and out of about five, one will say hello and genuiniely mean it. In fact, one will say hello, enough said.
5) I get the hint, make a biting remark and leave, to a yawn, stretch, and "See you later".
Am I being paranoid or does this severely stink?
Phone calls.
I've only recieved one "proper" phone call, made under the influence of marajuana, and involving a few one-word replies to my frantic babble in order to make conversation.
Other phone calls have literally told me something and hung up.
The excuse "I am not a phone person" doesn't make up for this in any way, shape or form. Neither is my dad, but at least he talks to you.
Replies to the text conversations I have initiated are usually non-existent, patronising (Sometimes I seriously wish he'd just come out and say "No you silly little girl" a la some of the elderly academics here), or one word.
My efforts, and I mean efforts, to always look delectable on dates or public appearances never seem to have the desired response. On overhearing the other lads when they meet up with their girlfriends to go out the phrases "Wow", "You look amazing", "You look seriously good", etc, are used to the point of over-use. Not with my boy, uh uh. I get no reaction at all, or I have to ask for it, imagine, actually having to ask your boyfriend whether he thinks you look nice, I mean, that ain't right is it? And then I get a "Yeh". I seriously get the impression the bloke doesn't fancy me, the time I wore the basque and he actually responded I was so surprised I nearly fainted. And that was probably only cos he hadn't wanked in a week.
I dunno I was always under the impression boyfriends did amazing things for your confidence. My mum thought it was weird I was still crying about the way I looked to her in the first week of being with him. She said I should feel amazing. My attatched floormates glow with confidence as a result of their men. I should feel that to someone out there I am "a babe", whereas I feel the same, ugly self I've always felt in my teenage years. I don't feel it because I don't get that impression from him, in fact I get the impression he thinks I need to do some serious work in order for my looks to get his dick up. There's the comments about my Kat Slater make-up and taste in accessories, in fact the comments on my make-up are relentless, and it is not as if I really do trowel it on. I just like dramatic colours and lipgloss, but I know I don't look like a Russian doll.
It seems when I look at the evidence, and I mean, really look at it, as I have here, rather than just thinking I am being negative or paranoid, that I am not having a relationship as such. Just one-way fucking traffic.
If anyone is reading this, I request help with trying to answer the following question: To Dump Or Not To Dump?
xxx
You know when you feel you've made all the effort and with little effort coming back? The only example of any effort on his part is one Cola and one dinner date. The other ladies' lovers seem to be like little nurses when they are ill, popping here and there making sure all is well. If it hadn't been for the sweetness of my floormates I would have been here alone. All I ask is for a little text or a visit. Like I have paid on countless occassions.
When I go down to his room I am guaranteed one of the following responses:
1) "Hey" uttered through a stretch and a yawn as response to my cheery "Hi there baby, how are you today.". Tired, I guess.
2) I will then hover about while he does something useless on his PC. Looking at shitty pen drawings from cyber-geeks is why you got no revision done mate, not "entering into a relationship". During aforementioned "hovering" no communication will pass. Sometimes I will try to say something to lighten the atmosphere but it's usually ignored.
3) I will then go and sit on his lap, just to be a little flirty, as is chracteristic of a girlfriend. That usually elicits a brief feel-up and a kiss, then back to the cyber-geeks. Oh and if we converse, I'm usually put down in some way or the other, due to my inferior intelligence as a result of my "culture".
4) Pals come in, and out of about five, one will say hello and genuiniely mean it. In fact, one will say hello, enough said.
5) I get the hint, make a biting remark and leave, to a yawn, stretch, and "See you later".
Am I being paranoid or does this severely stink?
Phone calls.
I've only recieved one "proper" phone call, made under the influence of marajuana, and involving a few one-word replies to my frantic babble in order to make conversation.
Other phone calls have literally told me something and hung up.
The excuse "I am not a phone person" doesn't make up for this in any way, shape or form. Neither is my dad, but at least he talks to you.
Replies to the text conversations I have initiated are usually non-existent, patronising (Sometimes I seriously wish he'd just come out and say "No you silly little girl" a la some of the elderly academics here), or one word.
My efforts, and I mean efforts, to always look delectable on dates or public appearances never seem to have the desired response. On overhearing the other lads when they meet up with their girlfriends to go out the phrases "Wow", "You look amazing", "You look seriously good", etc, are used to the point of over-use. Not with my boy, uh uh. I get no reaction at all, or I have to ask for it, imagine, actually having to ask your boyfriend whether he thinks you look nice, I mean, that ain't right is it? And then I get a "Yeh". I seriously get the impression the bloke doesn't fancy me, the time I wore the basque and he actually responded I was so surprised I nearly fainted. And that was probably only cos he hadn't wanked in a week.
I dunno I was always under the impression boyfriends did amazing things for your confidence. My mum thought it was weird I was still crying about the way I looked to her in the first week of being with him. She said I should feel amazing. My attatched floormates glow with confidence as a result of their men. I should feel that to someone out there I am "a babe", whereas I feel the same, ugly self I've always felt in my teenage years. I don't feel it because I don't get that impression from him, in fact I get the impression he thinks I need to do some serious work in order for my looks to get his dick up. There's the comments about my Kat Slater make-up and taste in accessories, in fact the comments on my make-up are relentless, and it is not as if I really do trowel it on. I just like dramatic colours and lipgloss, but I know I don't look like a Russian doll.
It seems when I look at the evidence, and I mean, really look at it, as I have here, rather than just thinking I am being negative or paranoid, that I am not having a relationship as such. Just one-way fucking traffic.
If anyone is reading this, I request help with trying to answer the following question: To Dump Or Not To Dump?
xxx
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