Confusions...

So it happened, it finally happened, and it was nothing anyone said it was going to be. There's a million issues about it in my head:
A first date but we've known each other much longer...still cheap and easy?
I came first and quickly...tradition states the man does.
I wanna tell everyone, squeal with girlish pride and excitement...but I want to keep it my secret and casually mention it another time...there's no way I can tell mum.
I have no regrets, tears, different feelings about myself...the books document tears, fright, excitement, etc. Today just feels like a regular day, and afterwards it felt no different either.

My god he looked hot, my god all I could notice was my fat, blubbery skin compared with his tautness.

I hope it gets better as well, I found it a little boring and unspectacular after a while.